MAB

I am starting up a new organization. It shall be called Mothers Against Balloons (MAB). I just have to say that anyone who is willing to offer your kid a balloon either doesn't like you or has never had children. The bottom line is this: balloons always fail. Some fail right away with a startling pop, while others escape the unreliable grip of your child's hand and drift out of reach. Either way, the final result is tears. What's worse, is when you have more than one child, someone's balloon must go first. It's known as the Law of balloon natural selection. That child will then attempt to "share" with one of his or her siblings, which ultimately causes the next balloon to go. End result? Double set of tears. The process continues with subsequent children until all balloons have met their final demise. The kids cry, the parent wigs out and swears to never again come in contact with another balloon- that is til the next jerk comes along and says, "Here honey, would you like to take home a balloon?" Funny how people always ask the kid and not the parent. They assume that since the balloon doesn't cause cavities, a kid can have as many as he or she wishes, and they do not consider the fact that the child's parent has just been invited into balloon purgatory. (Thus, the reason for my hatred of the pediatric dentists office).

After 5.5 years of balloon hating, I have learned to keep a pocket knife ready to go at all times, just in case someone dares offer my child a balloon. I have sadly developed an enormous amount of satisfaction at popping any balloon that attempts to come within five feet of me. And as a result of past balloon follies, we are now a balloon-free family. It feels good and I only do you a favor by passing on the word. If you have or will be having young kids, save yourself the trouble now and heed some advice: join MAB and say NO to balloons!