Some Words on Adoption

Given November is national adoption month, I thought I'd take a few minutes to comment on the subject. Since adopting a child, I've had many conversations with people about what it's like to adopt. Most couples I know sound genuinely interested in the idea of adoption. So many I've talked to have said to me, "Gee, we would adopt if we couldn't have had our own kids." Some people have also commented that they have thought about adoption, but felt like they couldn't afford it. Others worry about the dynamics of blending adopted children with their biological children. These thoughts are legitimate and are concerns that we considered as well before starting the adoption process. But now that we have actually experienced these things, I can shed some light on what it's really like.

The adoption experience itself is very different from pregnancy and birth, as you would imagine. The waiting and anticipation are the only things that are similar. The very long paper chase and waiting for document approvals before moving on to the next step in the process can be very aggravating. Traveling across the world to meet your child is both frightening and unbelievably exciting. But the moment you are handed your child for the first time really isn't much different than being handed your newborn baby after delivery. The adopted child is usually bigger and doesn't look much like you. But the overall feeling is the same as receiving your biological child- you are handed a beautiful little stranger who instantly demands your immediate care. Though the feeling is warm and wonderful, it is also very awkward. After a few days, bonding between parent and child begins to take place. The bond grows stronger with time and as you get to know your child, you begin to feel that you couldn't possibly live without him (her). It truly is amazing how mother nature kicks in when receiving an adopted child the same way as with a biological child. Soon after getting to know her, it became easy to see Allie as my child... my own child, just as my sons are my children. When I look into her beautiful eyes, I don't see a Chinese girl as most people see, I just see my daughter.

As a privileged parent to have both biological and adopted children, I am able to watch them all interact on a daily basis. Because they are so young, their innocence in how they view one another is refreshing. The boys simply see Allie as their little sister. They know she's adopted from China, but it means very little to them. They have not noticed that she looks different than them. The boys love her, fight with her, play with her and try to take stuff away from her, just as they do with each other. From Allie's point of view, Aaron and Joe are merely her big brothers whom she feels she has every right to boss around!

Financial planning for adoption can be different for everyone. For most families, it requires some saving up front. Agency fees, legal fees and international program fees quickly add up. It's not the child that's expensive, it's the legalization process. These legalities are necessary for the protection of both the child and the adoptive parents. Most international programs also require a donation for the upkeep and support of the child's orphanage. The overall cost of international adoption (depending on which country you adopt from), is roughly the same as it would be to give birth and receive care in a hospital. Most people, however, have insurance to cover these expenses.

Far too many are quickly turned off by the idea of adoption when they learn of the expenses. Most people don't realize that the U.S. government will reimburse families up to $10,000 in a tax credit the year the adoption is finalized. There are also many programs that offer support through grants and loans for families who have difficulty meeting the financial requirements of adoption. Some companies offer financial adoption benefits for their employees. The point is, financial restrictions do not have to inhibit those who want to adopt some day. Besides, can you really think of a better way to spend your money? What you receive in return is priceless by comparison.

Knowing what I know now about the adoption experience, I sometimes look back and wonder what my hesitations were. Having traveled to a developing country, witnessing true poverty, and coming face to face with homeless children in Alexandra's orphanage was an eye opening experience. Folks, there are millions of children in need of homes across the globe. Just viewing a subsample of the number of abandoned children in the local Nanchang newspaper brought so much awareness. There were so many children listed (one of which was Allie), there were pages of them printed in the format of the classified adds.

Though we felt adoption was a calling on our hearts even before Aaron and Joe came along, not everyone is called to adopt. But if you've considered it and are sitting on the fence- just go for it. You will have no regrets. I promise.